Skip to main content

15 April

Description unavailableImage by ~Liliana via Flickr

I have not forgotten nor abandoned this project. In fact, this project is on my mind every day. What I have reached is another one of my fear blocks called 'Suzanne Second-guessing Herself'. This is where I start thinking, 'Have I made the right decision? Have I chosen the right place? Maybe I should have chosen an easier place to move to, where the real estate is cheaper, the jobs are more plentiful, maybe this place is out of my league.' I then counter this line of thinking with these facts: when I moved to New York I never considered the cost of real estate, although it was/is one of the most expensive places in the States and I was able to find a wonderful place to live. During my last year in New York, in an attempt to be more sensible, I moved from an apartment I loved in Manhattan to a less expensive one in Brooklyn Heights. Needless to say, although my rent was less, I didn't actually save more money, I just spent it in different ways. And when I last moved to Lake Tahoe, I didn't question the cost of real estate and I found a lovely place to live. All of this seems to be evidence that when I follow my heart, things work out, but what if I've lost my mojo? What if this time the force is not with me? There was a time when I was fearless but now I have experienced so many disappointments that I have become crippled by my own fearful projections of failure before an event has even taken place. Just last week, for instance, I was turned down for a job in Denver with a major fund manager. And i was disappointed, despite the fact that I don't want to work in another large urban center, or wear a suit, or have to adhere to a 9 -5 schedule and work in an office. But I was disappointed because at least it offered security. And I suppose I see security as a balm to fear, even if it is less than satisfying.

Segueing back to real estate, right now all I can think of is: how can I afford to buy a house there, even the entry level homes are $500K, at present I could only afford a condo. If I chose a less expensive area (Montana) I would be assured of being able to buy a house right away. Every night I watch House Hunters on HGTV and those $300K McMansions outside of Atlanta or Mobile seem like such a bargain I have to ask myself if I've lost my mind?!

Moving to Lake Tahoe assumes taking a risk that my reach exceeds my grasp. Ah. This uncertainty, this fear, has stopped me in my tracks because I am afraid that I will not make the right decision, or that what I want is not possible. Should I be wise or should I be risky?


Keetha said…
What would being wise look like? What would being risky look like? Is it possible to meet in the middle?

(I'm not trying to be annoying - I'm just asking questions.)

Maybe write the reasons you wanted to move there in the first place. What's changed? What hasn't?
LarramieG said…
Ah, I finally have an ally in Keetha! Suzanne, WHY do you want to move...anywhere? Seriously!

Popular posts from this blog

Dinner with Julia

What do Ina Garten and Martha Stewart have in common? Both women describe cooking through Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking when they were young as foundation to learning to cook.
Julia Child is an inspiration to most home cooks of a certain age. I found her so inspiring that at one time, I had all of her cookbooks, including a first edition of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and had read almost every biography written about her, My Life in France, being my favorite. And yet! I confess that until this week, my cooking adventures in Mastering were limited to her omelet recipe, her iconic recipes for onion soup and Beef Bourguignon.
When the Food52 Cookbook Club on Facebook chose Mastering as its cookbook for the month, I jumped at the chance to finally use Julia’s first cookbook for its intended purpose.
I decided to start with something easy, a poached egg. I purchased the best organic eggs I could afford, read the recipe several times, and began. After I’d tur…

Collard Greens with White Beans - A Vegetarian Take on a Classic

Could a vegetarian version of collard greens ever compete with the traditional goodness of collard greens cooked with a smoked ham hock?

I was skeptical until I made this recipe. It is every bit as delicious. Taking the place of the ham hock is the rind of parmesan or other hard cheese. I keep a small plastic bag of cheese rinds in the freezer, they are the perfect flavor enhancer of stocks and soups, and now collard greens.

Similar recipes call for dried beans, but sine I live 10,400 feet above sea level, dried beans are always a challenge unless I'm using a pressure cooker. For this recipe, I opted for canned beans and am just as happy as can be.

This recipe is quick, easy, delicious, and so rich and satisfying a bowlful with a slice of garlicky olive oil toasted bread makes the perfect week night dinner. It is also a satisfying side dish.

Let's get cooking!

1 bunch of collard greens, touch center stems removes, leaves torn into large pieces
1 14 oz can of Nort…

Open to the Spirit - Book Review

Open to the Sprit is like reading a letter from a friend. McKnight writes a very accessible introduction to the Holy Spirit and its role in our spiritual life. McKnight uses several stories from his life and others to share how the Holy Spirit consoles and deepens our daily spiritual walk. A terrific book for those seeking an introduction to a relationship with the Holy Spirit.