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26 January 2010

I missed Every Day Do On Thing, I missed the single-minded purpose of this blog and felt that it has become an important log of the move and career journey that I started last year. So I am going to continue posting here and then bring the posts over to my other blog as well.

Today I applied for two jobs with an online learning company that creates curriculum for homeschooling parents and kids. The job is curriculum writing and reviewing which is actually something I done in the past when I was teaching overseas. I would love this job. It would enable me to write, to work on educational subjects, and I would be able to do it remotely, which is one of my primary desires.

This past weekend and then again this afternoon, I spent time reading one or two of the career guidance and exploration books I recently picked up: The Purpose of Your Life, and the more career specific The Pathfinder: How to Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success. There are times when I actually feel guilty taking time from my day to work my way through the exercises in the book. However, for the majority of my working life, I have chosen jobs because they were expedient, because they were available, would provide a reliable paycheck or because they were the type of job that I thought I should. I have had some great experiences as a result but I have yet to find the job that is in synch with my passions, that makes me say "this is what I was meant to do with my life". And that is what I want most now....I have felt this way for years but this is the first time that I have taken the time to really pursue the journey in a step by step way.

What makes the journey difficult and makes me second guess myself is the nagging fear of time slipping away or my six month lease being up before I have a job, of the need for a source of income which often makes me think I should simply go for the reliable paycheck instead of the grander vision....because what if I choose wrong or fail? On the other hand, how do I keep that fear from paralyzing me into either inaction, not taking the chance to try for the job I really want or a starting a business on my own, or choosing a convenient job rather than one that I will really love? Even writing about this has been difficult because I hate to admit my own fears and weakness. One of the greatest questions I have is: I admire entrepreneurs so much, and would love to own my own business, and yet I've never tried, I completely doubt my ability....I say to myself, 'oh, you don't have the personality for entrepreneurship'. Is that a correct assessment or how do I get around that fear and move forward?

Only my determination to take action each day will make a difference. Which is one reason that I am making time to work through those books and think about the decisions I make as well as taking real  action steps each day.

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