Skip to main content

Completion

This year, so far, has been one of begininngs. I moved to Evergreen, Colorado, I've undertaken a job hunt, I started writing again, working on a novel that I'd abandoned a year ago halfway through, and I've established a freelance writing business and am now looking for assignments. And while I am enjoying each of these endeavors, and trying to enjoy the 'journey', my heart longs for completion, for successfully obtaining a job, for a sense of attaining a goal.

When you are going through the daily, seemingly neverending hamster wheel of applying to and never hearing back from prospective employers, one aspect of the frustration is a sense of never having a feeling of accomplishment. In fact, I think this is the most difficult aspect of the process, the open-endedness of longing and wondering if and when I will achieve my purpose in being here.

For this reason I've discovered that there is an important need to devise tasks where I can have a sense of completion, of getting the job done, even while I'm waiting for a larger job to get done. That is where the usefulness of smaller milestones comes in handy. For instance, I have weekly page count goals with my novel that I strive to achieve. They are purposefully modest, a page a day or five pages a week. If I hit the minimum great, if I can do more than that, better still. I set the same type of goals with my daily applications to jobs and freelance assignments. The best part of the day is after I've accomplished those daily goals. The worst part is late at night when I start to worry that despite my efforts I feel that I haven't accomplished anything real.

What I'm struggling with right now is believing that past or current rejections will not last forever, that ultimately I will be successful, that I will find a job, that I will find a writing assignment, that I will ever see a novel published, that I will ever own my own home in the mountains.

Every night before I go to bed I read a page or two in a variety of inspirational books such as the classic THE GAME OF LIFE by Florence Scovel Shinn, or THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE, by Carol Adrienne. Lately I've been reading Joel Osteen's latest,  IT'S YOUR TIME. Last night I read, "God never aborts a dream. We may give up on it. We may delay it. But the seed God put in you never dies. All it takes is for you to believe once again." My greatest challenge right now is believing once again. And without some sense of accomplishment, I'm not sure how to believe in the absence of its evidence. Yes, I know, that is the very definition of faith...but how does one keep on believing in the absence of positive feedback? That's the crux of it for me.

Comments

Jennifer S said…
Hang in there...the right job will come along and they'll be so lucky to have you.

xoxo
Mariellen said…
I agree - argh!
Anonymous said…
I am not sure how to beleive either, but that is what faith is...believing with no specific proof. I think, do whtever you need to, and no matter how daft (or smart) other people find it. Its belief that will keep you going, keep your spirits and heart up, keep you sane. Constant effort, but the alternative is to sink into a pit of no hope.

Popular posts from this blog

Women are Highly Esteemed in the Eyes of This Man

I enter the sanctuary of Our Lady of Peace Church and my eyes adjust to the dimmed lights as the only illumination comes from candles on the altar and their glowing reflection in the monstrance holding the Blessed Sacrament.
My friend and I had come to join the Mary and Martha’s quarterly meeting which started with an hour of Adoration.
I took my seat in one of the pews, knelt, and surreptitiously glanced around the sanctuary. In the gloaming, I could see thirty other women kneeling like sentinels in silent prayer. 
Over the course of the hour, we would remain in contemplative silence.
As I slipped in and out of my prayers and wandering thoughts, I considered how pleased God must be when he sees us gathered in the simple and divine act of Adoration.
But in fact, women are highly esteemed in God’s sight not matter where we are. 
We only look at the life of Jesus Christ to understand how dearly he cherishes every woman.
In the Gospel of Saint John, a group of men bring a woman caught i…

When our spirit hungers

The precocious toddler’s interest in talking to her mother grew in insistence as the gathered group settled in for an hour of silent prayer. Shushing didn’t work, so the mother led her child into an adjoining room where she would still be part of the sanctuary, but sound would be dampened. Despite the closed door and heavy glass walls, the child’s fervent desire to speak with her mother was still audible.
I said a prayer for the patient mother determined to stay, and for the child who was either tired or hungry or impatient for Mom’s undivided attention. And then tried to bring my wandering thoughts back to prayer. I had come to Adoration with my own pressing need for answers.
Over the past few weeks I’ve noticed a growing emptiness in my heart. A void, as if something is missing. It’s not psychological. Not physical. After doing an internal check, I determined it’s a spiritual void that I’m experiencing.
No, I’m not doubting God, his existence or goodness. I have full confidence in…

If you are tired of the guilt trip you usually feel at church, here’s a different perspective

I am counting the days until I fly to Fort Lauderdale to see Mom for Christmas. Yes, I speak with her every day, sometimes twice a day. But as you know, phone calls just aren’t the same as being with someone you love. I look forward to seeing Mom’s smile, to holding her hand, to going for a drive along the beach with her. Spending time in the presence of someone we love enriches our relationship with them.
I believe the love I feel for Mom, is a sliver of what God feels for each of us. I believe God longs to share that love with us. Which is why we are called to spend time in God’s presence daily. We experience God’s presence when we meet him in our prayers, in church, and hopefully in one another. If I could make one wish for each of us, it would be that at some point during the next four weeks of Advent we would experience how much Jesus loves us.



The Best Christmas

During my morning devotions, I read these two verses of Psalm 117:
Praise theLord,all you nations;
extol him, all you peop…