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This year, so far, has been one of begininngs. I moved to Evergreen, Colorado, I've undertaken a job hunt, I started writing again, working on a novel that I'd abandoned a year ago halfway through, and I've established a freelance writing business and am now looking for assignments. And while I am enjoying each of these endeavors, and trying to enjoy the 'journey', my heart longs for completion, for successfully obtaining a job, for a sense of attaining a goal.

When you are going through the daily, seemingly neverending hamster wheel of applying to and never hearing back from prospective employers, one aspect of the frustration is a sense of never having a feeling of accomplishment. In fact, I think this is the most difficult aspect of the process, the open-endedness of longing and wondering if and when I will achieve my purpose in being here.

For this reason I've discovered that there is an important need to devise tasks where I can have a sense of completion, of getting the job done, even while I'm waiting for a larger job to get done. That is where the usefulness of smaller milestones comes in handy. For instance, I have weekly page count goals with my novel that I strive to achieve. They are purposefully modest, a page a day or five pages a week. If I hit the minimum great, if I can do more than that, better still. I set the same type of goals with my daily applications to jobs and freelance assignments. The best part of the day is after I've accomplished those daily goals. The worst part is late at night when I start to worry that despite my efforts I feel that I haven't accomplished anything real.

What I'm struggling with right now is believing that past or current rejections will not last forever, that ultimately I will be successful, that I will find a job, that I will find a writing assignment, that I will ever see a novel published, that I will ever own my own home in the mountains.

Every night before I go to bed I read a page or two in a variety of inspirational books such as the classic THE GAME OF LIFE by Florence Scovel Shinn, or THE PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE, by Carol Adrienne. Lately I've been reading Joel Osteen's latest,  IT'S YOUR TIME. Last night I read, "God never aborts a dream. We may give up on it. We may delay it. But the seed God put in you never dies. All it takes is for you to believe once again." My greatest challenge right now is believing once again. And without some sense of accomplishment, I'm not sure how to believe in the absence of its evidence. Yes, I know, that is the very definition of faith...but how does one keep on believing in the absence of positive feedback? That's the crux of it for me.


Jennifer S said…
Hang in there...the right job will come along and they'll be so lucky to have you.

Mariellen said…
I agree - argh!
Anonymous said…
I am not sure how to beleive either, but that is what faith is...believing with no specific proof. I think, do whtever you need to, and no matter how daft (or smart) other people find it. Its belief that will keep you going, keep your spirits and heart up, keep you sane. Constant effort, but the alternative is to sink into a pit of no hope.

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