Today I'm reading, The Time Keeper, by Mitch Albom, which seems like a perfectly appropriate pick for my 51st birthday since it's a novel about our obsession with time and at times trying to lengthen our days.
And I must admit, turning 51 feels old. I personally don't feel old. But the concept of "51 years old" sounds old, as I roll it around in my brain.
So today I'm enjoying the day: reading, and later going for a massage at a lovely nearby spa. I think a road trip over the mountains might also be in order sometime this week, just a day out to enjoy lunch somewhere scenic.
It seems that the days are flowing so quickly and there's so much I am trying to accomplish this year. I've just launched Waiting with God, and have sent The Night of the Great Polar Bear to the book designer and will come out in May. A Map of Heaven is scheduled for June/July. And Brownie Comes Home will launch in August/September. Then I will begin work on a romance trilogy, definitely not in the vein of 50 Shades, more like the Cooking Network.
I'm pushing hard because this is a make-or-break year, so it's a race against time to see how much I can publish, to see if this can be a viable career, or whether I need to return to the world of cubicles.
Amongst all this writing is caring for Mom. She fell last month and knocked her head and got a concussion. She's up and about now, but still weak and tires easily. So there are lots of doctor visits and trying this and that to help her get better. It's stressful and brings up lots of emotions and fears. I worry what I will do without her, as we've lived together since my father's passing 15 years ago.
So, this also feels like a race against time.
It means that my emotions on most days run from happy to sad and back again. Or on the verge of tears.
Since I tend to look for the meaning in things, I'll postulate that the lesson in this birthday is learn to savor each day, live in the present moment, while working on the future. To try my best to accomplish all that I can, but wear my worry and fears more lightly, enjoy each day with Mom, and trust that God has the unknown taken care of.
"It is too late."
The old man shook his head.
"It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be."
He smiled. "There is a plan, Dor."
- The Time Keeper
I am hopeful these words will be true.
Happy birthday and God bless,
P.S. the three wise men pictured above are my source of joy in every circumstance